Now I am less than 24 hours from the start and I am actually freaking out a bit. But I actually love the feeling. What could be more exhilarating than trying something that almost certainly will end in failure. It causes me to examine the reasons behind my adventures. Ego is useless at times like this. Humility needs to dominate. Gratitude is the overwhelming feeling right now. I am lucky to be sober, lucky to be going out in the woods for a test of will, lucky to have kids that are wonderful, lucky to be loved by an amazing woman. In short, I am lucky just to have the chance to suffer. In this way, I know that I am truly living.

My girlfriend Norma arrives today to support me. She will be updating on Facebook and Twitter when she can. There is not much of a signal and runners are actually gone for up to 12 hours at a time so information is in short supply sometimes. Thanks to all of you for your amazing support.

Barkley Marathons

Frozen Head State Park, Tennessee



I have been running and racing and adventuring (is that a word?) for a very long time. I like to think that I have a pretty good perspective on the world. I don’t take myself or my running too seriously. I try not to complain too much about my aches and pains because I choose to do these events so complaining about it doesn’t make sense. I think that I have a good way with words when describing how I feel and what I am experiencing.

All that said, let me just say these two urgent words; HELP ME!!!

I have spent the past couple of days in Frozen Head State Park, Tennessee. I have been trying to learn around some of the trails in the park. This is the location of the Barkley Marathons. There is a story behind the name and the fact that it is plural but I will tell that one later.

The Barkley is a 100+ mile adventure. Here are a few basic facts.

- Barkley is actually 5 loops of about 26 miles per loop

- The course is unmarked and changes every year

- There is more than 52,000 feet of climbing in the Barkley and 52,000 of descending

- More than 700 runners have attempted Barkley but only 8 have ever completed the entire race

- On average, more than half of the runners will break down in tears at some point (okay I just made this one up but it seems likely)

- The race director changes the course every year specifically to prevent runners from finishing

- The race begins with the lighting of a cigarette

- Virgins (that would be me in this case) DO NOT finish this race unless they have extensive experience in Frozen Head State Park

- I am in way over my head.

Why did I think this was a good idea? I don’t know. Doesn’t it always sound good when we are sitting comfortably on the sofa? I have known of Barkley for many years and have always wanted to give it a try.

Here are a few pictures of what this weekend holds for me:






I have my checklist all made out. I have some of the best possible partners helping me these days and I am very grateful for their support and guidance.

-Mission Skincare for SPF and the all important Anti Friction lube

-Newton Running for amazing shoes

-Balega Socks keep my feet blister free and happy

-Infinit Nutrition is huge for a race like Barkley because nutrition is critical for a 60 hour race

-Princeton Tec lights the way. Darkness is a bad thing at Barkley

-I have been using a special knee brace at night that sends a low level electric charge to the knee all night. This has saved me so far this year. VQ Orthocare provides that.

I am sure there are others but I am off to Frozen Head now.

For ten solid years, from 1982-1992, I orchestrated my life to fit my long term addiction to drugs and alcohol. That is not to say that I spent every minute DOING drugs, but I did spend every conscious and unconscious moment plotting and planning my next binge. I tried to overachieve in my business and personal life so that I could justify my bad behavior. And this worked for many years. Of course I was miserable and unhappy but I managed to maintain a fairly productive life. At least that is how it appeared to others. For me, I knew I needed to make a change or I would die.

So with the birth of my first son Brett in 1992, I finally got serious about changing my life. I went to an AA or NA meeting every single day for the first year and slowly but surely my life began to get better. At the same time, I started to really get serious about my running. I began to realize that running was a great metaphor for life. Goal setting, training and preparation, suffering, success and failure, growth. Then off to a new goal.

Slowly but surely, I became addicted to running. But this addiction was different from my drug addiction. Sort of different. Switching addictions is not as simple as it sounds. Some people switch from pot to booze or from meth to crack. Others have moved from food to sex or from gambling to porn. I have learned that I am capable of being addicted to almost anything. The only requirement is that the activity is all encompassing for me. Years ago, that meant doing drugs and alcohol. Today it means running and adventure.

So did I really switch from one addiction to another? In my opinion, the answer is “no”. When I was addicted to drugs, I wanted to escape the reality of my regular life. But with running, I am pushing myself to enhance the reality that I live today. If you had known me 20 years ago, you probably would have liked me just fine. And it would have been unlikely that you would have seen me as someone with an addiction problem. And the same can be said of my running today. From the outside, my running probably seems obsessive but if you knew me, you would see that I use running as my vehicle to experience the world. Running makes me feel connected to people and to places.

Years ago, one of my first sponsors in AA said to me, “We spend our lives comparing our insides to other people’s outsides. We compare how we feel to how other people look.”

It was like he punched me in the face. How had I not seen this before? I had spent 29 years in the certainty that everyone else was happy and well adjusted and that I was alone in my insecurity. But now I understood that I was not so different. Most people struggle with confidence and with uncertainty. I drank and did drugs to help me feel more at ease and it was doing exactly the opposite. But running changed everything. Running shines a bright spotlight on both the good things and the challenges in my life. There is no escape, only acknowledgement. I wouldn’t have it any other way.