Thanks so much for all the feedback after my last piece, posted 2 weeks back. It seems to have really struck a chord with so many of you. Consider that previous post an outline of sorts, while this one is very much a call to action.
In truth, that piece was really a pep talk to myself that I invited you to overhear, and it came just as I needed to get myself over the hump of the last few weeks of hail repair in Wyoming. It did the job and I am now back in North Carolina with my family, and with a few speaking gigs on the calendar. Things are beginning to turn very slowly. To be sure, the world is more unpredictable than ever, but my approach to it is ever changing, mostly out of necessity, but also because I want to be a better version of myself when (if) this is over.
The number one question I’ve had in response to the previous piece was (basically) . . . ”I get the philosophy, and thanks for the Shackleton quotes…but what can I or do I need to do to put rubber on the road to my optimistic future?”
It’s a fair challenge and of course without knowing your personal individual circumstances I can’t frame it up for you specifically, but I can provide a plan of action that anyone can apply to their situation.
Decide what you really want for yourself for the future (maybe you already have it)
Find someone who wants what you want (or what you already have)
Sponsor them to get it
Stand back and watch the results in your own life
It’s a little-known truth that back in the 80’s my first sales coach in my first sales job at Bally’s Gym was none other than Zig Ziglar. And when I say Zig Ziglar, I don’t mean Zig on video or audio tape. I mean Zig Ziglar in the flesh right there in front of me, in the same room preaching sales and salesmanship. Unforgettable.
Zig is, of course, well known for saying, “You can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want” (I promise no more quotes). My formula above is similar of course but with an essential difference.
Zig’s formula is general. Mine is very specific. It is so much easier to help a real “someone” get the exact same thing you want (or already have). You know them personally, can understand their real need, their emotions, their challenges and the de-railers that thwart them. And very importantly, you can understand why they care.
In recovery, we call this “sponsorship”. It is the idea that someone who has created some track record in recovery (and life) is the ideal partner to help someone else achieve the same goal. For all the reasons and motivations I have just given, a sponsor, is absolutely key to anyone’s journey of recovery.
But most importantly, sponsoring someone else is the key to the sponsor’s own continued recovery. The number one beneficiary of the sponsorship is the sponsor. In serving someone else, the sponsor assumes a renewed responsibility for their own sobriety, and continues to have first-hand access to all of the challenges, fears and failures that anyone on the path experiences. Seeing and sharing someone else’s struggle, is the way to keep the struggle real.
Sponsoring someone else to sobriety keeps the danger of slipping in my full gaze. The reality of temptation and the realization of the grip that addiction can have on you can and will diminish in your memory unless you are confronted by it regularly.
Sponsorship keeps me alert to the threat and alive to the task.
So it is with the dedicated achievement of any worthwhile goal, and certainly with the achievement of staying optimistic and positive during the pandemic. My advice to you is to find someone who is also struggling to maintain their perspective (but who desperately wants to) and serve them wholeheartedly by sponsoring their emotional health and wellbeing. By being the person who they will turn to for encouragement, support and perspective
(One caveat here. This isn’t an accountability group. They can turn to you, but you don’t turn to them. If you need a sponsor find one of your own, but it mustn’t be the person relying on you as that will ultimately diminish their confidence in you, trust me)
This formula is so effective because it is personal and direct. You won’t be able to hide from the challenges or the results, or pat yourself on the back for your “good intentions”. You’ll be exposed in ways you can’t imagine, but you’ll be alive and authentic, and that will make all the difference.
There are of course many ways to volunteer and be of service to “people”, but full engagement and the blessing and reward that comes from it can only be found from helping a “person”. A real, living, breathing, right in front of you, messy, person.
Give it a go, and let me know what you find.
See you down the trail,
Charlie